It's Tuesday night. You have no life. You are a supporter of the Phoenix Suns Professional Basketball Club. Young stud Kyrie Irving is sidelined with a broken finger. Old stud Anderson Varejao is playing like an All-Star (see, this is what an All-Star caliber center looks like...and I quote: "Anderson Varejao was once again a total monster. He hauled in 22 rebounds (8 offensive) to go along with 15 points. If this man isn't an all-star, it's a damn crime."). The Cavs are coming off a three-game road trip including a loss in Memphis last (Monday) night. The Suns are rested. The Cavs have some
nice intriguing young players. The Suns have P.J. Tucker. The Cavs don't have LeBron James. The Suns don't have Steve Nash. Phoenix is 22-27 all-time in the city that rocks. This is now the worst paragraph ever written. My deepest apologies.
But seriously, you try and make a story about the Phoenix Suns vs. the Cleveland Cavalier even mildly interesting. These teams just aren't that good but the Suns, one would think, should be slightly better.
Let me repeat and embolden that bit of brilliant analysis in case you missed it.
These teams just aren't that good but the Suns, one would think, should be slightly better.
You can stop reading now and just skip to the videos.
The Cavs feature Tyler Zeller (insert Zeller brother joke here) (or don't) (screw you too); Tristan Thompson, who is a less athletic and less talented version of Derrick Favors but gets more minutes because he plays on a bad team; and Dion Waiters (insert "waiter" joke here) ( or don't) (ok, screw me too) who shoots a lot (15 times per game!) and sometimes can score too.
Some of you clowns like numbers so here's some numbers. The rest of you clowns can just skim over these in a drug induced haze that you perpetually live in....and don't try and tell me half you aren't stoned all the time and the other half are just waiting for your next chance to light up.
- With an offensive rating of 103.1, the Cavs are 18th in the league in putting the ball efficiently through the twine. Their scoring, shockingly, hasn't dropped off that much since Irving decided to break a finger four games ago.
- The Cavs are 1-3 since Kyrie's latest injury (not that I'm calling a guy who's on his 4th major injury while only weeks into the second year of his NBA career "injury prone") but the team has played balls out during that stretch.
- The Cavs scored 108 points and had eight players in double figures against the mighty Miami Heat...and lost by only two points.
- And last night in Memphis they scored 78(!!!) against the Grizzlies!!!
- Defensively, they are horrible. The Cavs are ranked 27th in the league giving up 108.7 points per 100 possessions. That's ridiculous. It's like they aren't even trying to get stops. Heads should roll when your defense is that bad. The Suns are worse.
- So folks, please let's make a pledge to stop talking about what the Suns are or aren't doing on the offensive end until they are least are ranked around 20th on defense? k?
- I don't care how many long twos they are taking. I don't want to hear about Beasley driving to the basket or not. Post up Gortat. Don't post up Gortat. Whatever.
- We need to collectively recover from the Steve Nash years and remember that basketball is played at both ends of the floor and the Suns have been promising us better defense since Steve Kerr took over. They are NOT BETTER ON DEFENSE AND WE SHOULD BE FORMING A LYNCH MOB OVER THAT!
Speaking of defense, the Suns are speaking about defense and, you guessed it, promising improvement!
Defensive woes mount when Phoenix Suns ‘lose focus’
“The concentration from the neck up has been a problem,” Turner said. “We lose focus on game-plan matters and situations. If (New Orleans’) Ryan Anderson is the shooter at the beginning of the play and they pass the ball around five or six times, he’s still a shooter at the end of the play. We just get lost. We don’t maintain concentration a possession or a game, for that matter.”
Oh, right, we were talking about numbers...
- The game starts at 5:00 pm in Arizona and 7:00 pm on the East Coast where the cool kids all live. And by "cool", I literally mean cold.
Speaking of colds, here's Goran Dragic sounding rather stuffy while talking to Suns.com from a mystery practice court somewhere in the depths of Ohio, a place no one should be forced to go.
Check out Fear The Sword, where they are funny and rock and after watching this tourism video I now want to move to there! Who's with me!!!
Not convinced yet? Watch this and you'll be packing your bags before you can put down your pipe.
Bright Side of the Sun likes you, won't you LIKE us back?
- Lucas Cameron Harangody is also injured.