The Excuse Board

It is possible the Suns might lose a game or two this season.

When this happens, and when the losses are especially ugly (as in last night's preseason evisceration at the hands of the Nuggets), it might be fun to create some imaginative excuses for why particular players performed poorly. The goal here is creativity: the more bizarre and ludicrous the reasons for why a player had a bad night, the better. I know that for me, nothing salves the wound of a demoralizing loss better than the gallows humor of fellow Brightsiders.

So, without further ado, here are sample excuses for some of our favorite players. Jump in and add to the list!

A bad Steve Nash game: Steve was tired because after the previous evening's game he ran in a charity marathon, ate a live Clydesdale, and banged ten supermodels. Also, his back was sore.

A bad Grant Hill game: Grant's muscles were sore. The night before the game he defeated a horde of ninjas who were sent by a pissed-off Jimmy Dolan to assassinate him for refusing to sign with the Knicks. After dispatching them all, "Kill Bill"-style, Grant retired to his personal boxing gym where he used Jerryd Bayless as a live punching bag.

A bad Robin Lopez game: Robin stayed up past his bedtime working on a Disney characters coloring book. The coaching staff is thinking about grounding him.

A bad Channing Frye game: Channing was busy trying to memorize the lines for his next Fry's commercial and couldn't concentrate on the game. His focus was off.

A bad Jared Dudley game: Jared had a wheat grass hangover after a wild night of doing wheat grass shots with Steve. Unlike Steve, Jared is a lightweight and can't handle his wheat grass.

A bad Sebastian Telfair game: The night before the game, Bassy did some acid and watched SportsCenter. While SportsCenter was on, he saw Doc Rivers giving an interview. The combination of LSD and Doc Rivers caused him to hallucinate that he was still playing for the Celtics and helping the team tank so that they could draft Kevin Durant or Greg Oden. The hallucination carried over to the Suns game.

A bad Josh Childress game: In an effort to recapture the period in his life when he had NBA value, Josh has taken to meditation and self-hypnosis. There's been a lot of chanting and incense-burning. Unfortunately, after burning a lot of incense in a poorly-ventilated area, he has given himself incense-poisoning.


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