The cancellation of regular season games is making me sick all over--mentally and physically.
I can't eat; I can't drink. I feel Chicago bullimic. I'm now allergic to milk; I'm lakratose intolerant. I've stopped drinking orange juice and now I have maveRickets. My throat is all constricted, like I have a piece of griztle or some paper clips stuck in it. I cough and try to hawk something up, but I just wizle and moan, eyes bulging like a big ol' hornetoad.
I've got facial celTics. My stomach feels all ripped, rapt, torn like it's full of cuts and knicks. It spasms and spurts. My kidneys are full of nuggets and little stones called rock-ets. When I'm breaKing wind it sounds like thunder.
I've got heart palpitations so bad I'm going to need a pacermaker. This lockout is giving me heatstroke and I feel so depressed it's like my bottom's been shot full of buckshot. I feel very pist on. Any more depressed and I'll become bobCatatonic. If I get any worse, I'll just be like one of those Cadaverliers in the morgue.
I'm developing split personalities and my psychiatrist says I'm Seventy sixerphrenic. I told him I have paranoia and he said that's just because everyone's out to get me. He said if I believed in magic or any of that jazz, I'd probably think I had lycanthropy, or werewolfism. He called me a hypochondriac and told me to stop being such a big worrior, otherwise they'll chase me with nets and fit me for one of those long-sleeved, white blazers whose arms tie in the back.
I want the NBA to start so I can go back to just having SUNS fever!!!